I’m stuck.
What’s keeping me that way?
How do I get from where I am (a nobody from nowhere) to where I would like to go (possibly a person who helps make movies in some way)?
I have also not forgotten my dream of going to England again and possibly doing that program where I get to stay at C.S. Lewis’ house. I left a piece of my heart there, but I don’t know what to do with it now.
I sort-of have a job, but I don’t like it. I don’t like subbing, and I don’t want to go into teaching. I know teaching is an admirable position, and I wouldn’t mind being a tutor of some kind so I could do more one-on-one teaching, but I don’t really have any interest in trying to control a huge class of kids (of any age). I don’t want to get teaching credentials because I would actually like to do something else with my life. Those with English degrees do actually have jobs other than teaching (don’t ask me what, I haven’t figured it out yet).
I feel like I have some kind of story inside me that wants to come out. Maybe multiple stories. I would like to get into a kind of job where I can explore different areas of storytelling so I can figure out exactly what I want to say and how to say it.
Let’s explore the different fields in which I might help produce a story:
Books/Novels: Who knows? I may write a book someday, but I feel like this would have to be after I have done some other kind of writing first. This would definitely not be a starting point.
Storyboarding/Comic books: Since around 2001 (when I was about nine) I’ve been on-and-off working on a comic book series that was originally based on Kim Possible, but has since then evolved into a highly elaborate fan-fiction that I could never publish because I would be breaking hundreds of copyright laws. I like to see these comics as a kind of practice for something I might do in the future. Over the years I’ve become more skilled in quickly drawing out scenes as I envision them in my head. I have figured out where to start and end scenes and where to leave a good cliffhanger.
Screenwriting: This field may be a little easier to enter, though I have no experience writing screenplays. I think I’m more of a person who works with others to discuss what works and what doesn’t work in a story. I’m actually currently helping edit a screenplay that a friend from Encore Theater wrote. Mostly what I’m doing is correcting the grammar, but I’ve also offered suggestions on how to change the story. This person also knows some people in Los Angeles (where all the movie jobs are), so this could turn into something helpful possibly.
Acting?: I’ve now done two shows with Encore Theater in Tulare, and I will likely audition for a third. It’s a small community theater, but they produce great shows (all of which are family-friendly, which is nice). During the last show, one of the directors made a point of telling me how well I was doing. She was amazed at how well I could act two totally different parts in the two plays I had been in. She mentioned that many in the theater board of directors kept coming up to her asking where she had been keeping me all these years. I think this is something I could turn into something as well. Of course, I would be competing with the millions of others who want to make it big with acting just to be famous.
Do I want to be famous? Sure; who wouldn’t? I’d like to show the world that a kid from a lower-middle-class family in a small town who went to a small college can make it. I would just need to make sure my ego does not get in the way. As long as I keep my focus on glorifying God, I should be fine. And with God, all things are possible, right? Even things like being famous or being rich? I realize, of course, that it is no shame to be poor, but it is no great honor either. I also know that being a nobody to the world does not matter, because to God I am worth far more than the riches of the world.
I know that God is everything I will ever need and I know that He will supply my every need. I know that He can do anything and I know that all the answers I ever need are found in Him and His Word. But still, it’s aggravating “knowing” all the answers to my problems while still feeling totally lost in life.
I have so many things I would like to do with my life, and none of them are happening right now. How do things happen? How do I get from point A to point wherever?
I don’t know what’s going on with my life. I don’t know what I’m doing now, and I don’t know how to get where I want to go. I don’t even know where I want to go! My life has been kind of a mess ever since I graduated. I’ve been barely able to pay off my school bills as they’ve been coming, so there’s no way that I could get an unpaid internship somewhere, or live somewhere else apart from home. I’m stuck here. Here where there are no seemingly no ways to get into the kind of job I would like to get, or even ways to get into jobs that would lead into jobs I would like to get. In addition, apart from my family and a couple families from church, I don’t really even have friends in this area; at least, friends my age. I miss Cedarville. Not the work necessarily, but the way of living. Everything there is planned out for me. I know exactly what I’m doing every day and I have clear goals. I also have a group of friends who are like a second family, and I’ve been horrible at keeping in contact with them, despite how sorely I miss them. I would buy a plane ticket and visit but I have almost no money, and when I do get money, I need it to pay bills to the very school I want to visit. Maybe this could all be solved if I made a lot of money getting a job working in the film industry or something like that? But I can’t, remember? I’m stuck.
