Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Why Heaven Scares Me

                This week in Theology II, we’ve been studying eschatology (the study of end times). Today specifically we were talking about heaven, and I was surprised by the huge amount of questions that were asked. Questions like: What will our new bodies be like in heaven? Will we all be the age we died in heaven, or will there not even be a concept of age? Since the Bible says there is no marriage in heaven, will there be any concept of gender? Do all dogs really go to heaven? Will we recognize people there? Will we miss or have pity on people that aren’t in heaven? What will we remember about our life on earth when we’re in heaven? Will any of these questions even matter?

                After pondering these questions, I began to feel afraid. I know that as a Christian I should be looking forward to heaven with eager expectation, but I don’t know that I am. I know that it will be better than anything here on earth, and I know that I’ll love it; I guess maybe I’m afraid of the unknown.

                I’m also afraid that all my family and friends will be different. I know that I will get to see most of them in heaven; but what will those relationships be like? Will I still think of my mom and dad as my mom and dad? Or my brother and sisters as real siblings? And how can my parents be happy in heaven even though they won’t be married? How will I be happy about that? I’m afraid just thinking that one day in heaven I might not care about things like that. They matter here; why wouldn’t they matter in heaven as well? I look forward to reuniting with family and friends, but will we get to spend time with each other the way we do here?

                Another thing about heaven that terrifies me is the concept of eternity. That’s something I can’t fathom, and I don’t think I want to. When I get to heaven, I’ll be there forever. Like, forever and ever. Time in heaven will just keep on going and going and going. I don’t know what I think about that. Here we have a regular concept of time; days, months, years, centuries; but these terms will be useless in heaven. Time won’t matter, and we’ll have no feasible way to keep track of it anyway.

                But just thinking about being in one place and never ever leaving makes me feel uneasy. I know that God will be there, and we will be rejoicing in His presence all the time, but (and I don’t know how to say this in a good Christian way) that sounds like it would get tiring, or dare I say boring. I know that when I get there things will be different, but I just can’t grasp the idea now.

                One of my favorite pictures of heaven comes from the very end of C. S. Lewis’ The Last Battle, the final book in his Chronicles of Narnia series. “All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.” This passage makes heaven sound much better than the common idea of everyone living in a golden city in the clouds. I like the idea of heaven looking a little bit like earth, only perfect. As I’m writing this now, my fears begin to fade a little bit. But at the same time I realize that I have no need to worry about this at all. Heaven will be perfect, and God will be there; that’s all I really need to know. I guess I just get caught up worrying about everything that will change, even though the change will be perfect.


                Is it a normal thing for a Christian to be more worried than excited about heaven? Because I know I am. I know this is not something I should be worrying about right now. As far as I know I still have my whole life ahead of me. Maybe someday I’ll have a better understanding of heaven and eternity, and maybe then I’ll be less frightened of the idea. But until then I suppose I’ll just try not to think about it too much; only enough to know the questions for the Theology II final…

Saturday, November 15, 2014

A Long-Expected Blog Update

                I haven’t posted anything in here for about a month and a half, and that’s not okay. I started this blog as a way to both update readers on events in my life, and also as an outlet for me to write freely about what’s on my mind. I enjoy writing in here, I really do; and I've had a ton on my mind the past month that I need to get out in writing.

                So, what has been on my mind?

How I Spend My Free Time, or The Origins of Firelord Mike

            Well, let’s start with why I haven’t written on here for so long. I’d like to blame schoolwork, but that’s only part of the reason. It’s true, the semester is slowly but surely coming to an end, and as usual, the homework is piling up; but even though I have more homework, I've still had some free time, that I could have used to write, I guess I just chose not to. Writing on this blog is one of my favorite things to do, but when I have so many papers and responses to write for homework, I generally want to take a homework break that doesn't involve more writing.



For the past month I’ve usually gone to one of three outlets for free time: TV, games, or guitar. I’m still attempting to catch up on the recent episodes of Agents of SHIELD and Once Upon a Time, I just finished watching series 8 Doctor Who, and I’ve been trying to catch up on Parks and Recreation before the final season starts. I also finally finished watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with my roommate, and I have to say, it was actually really good. It’s not anime like many people think it is; the animation style is similar to anime, but it’s a completely American show. The show consists of three seasons (or “books”) of twenty episodes, each around 22 minutes long. The first season, entitled “Book 1: Water,” was a bit slow at times, but still enjoyable and a good setup for the rest of the series. The second season, “Book 2: Earth,” was a lot better, and the season two finale was excellent. It reminded me of the ending of The Empire Strikes Back, but I won’t go into any spoilery details in case you, the reader, want to watch it at some point. The third and final season, “Book 3: Fire,” was also very good; the ending was satisfactory and had good closure for the characters. Over the past few years I’ve developed a passion for fire and burning things, which in past few semesters at school has turned into an acute form of pyromania: all that to say, I enjoyed the amount of fire and burning that was present in season three. Also, Firelord Ozai, the show’s central villain, is voiced by Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker from the original Star Wars trilogy and the soon-coming Episode VII: The Force Awakens). Overall it was a great show and I would recommend watching it at some point. I may have to watch the sequel series The Legend of Korra at some point.

              Apart from watching these shows I also spend free time playing various games on my computer. Usually I will play either LEGO Marvel Superheroes or Minecraft. One of my favorite activities in LEGO Marvel Superheroes is wreaking havoc by either destroying cars and creating traffic jams or stealing cars and hitting everything on the side of the road. I’d like to blame my arsonist tendencies on Minecraft but I think they started before that. All Minecraft did was give me an outlet to burn all the things I want without doing harm to real-world trees and structures. I also sometimes build things on there, but nothing gives me more pleasure in Minecraft than watching the world burn >:D The door to my room, which originally just had a paper with the names and majors of my roommate and I, now has the word “Firelord” written over my name on that paper, an “Arsonist of the Year” award given by a fellow unitmate, a warning sign about explosives, and a paper with this comic excerpt:



                Speaking of fire, there may have been an incident that occurred a few days ago in our unit. I will not go into further details at this time, but I will say that the smoke alarm might have gone off for a few seconds. Fortunately it didn’t sound long enough to warrant anyone coming to the unit. If someone had, and if they had seen my door, I’m not sure what would have happened. Though to be honest, I technically had no part in what may or may not have taken place. I merely watched, smiling wickedly, doing nothing to prevent the oncoming disaster.

                But back on the original topic, when I’m not burning things I also enjoy playing guitar during my free time. I don’t know if I’ve gotten any better at it, but I haven’t gotten worse. I only practice a couple times a week, which is not as much as I would like. What I love about playing guitar is the fact that it employs a great use of hand-eye coordination. When I look up chords for random songs on ultimateguitar.com I read the chords and sing along with the lyrics while at the same time moving my fingers to the right chord shapes and maintaining a strumming pattern that sounds right. Since I’m not doing Men’s Glee this year it’s cool to still be doing something musical for fun. It’s a great way to take my mind off school and also a great way to exercise my brain. Recent songs I’ve looked up chords for are “Wonderland” and “Clean,” a couple of my favorite songs from Taylor Swift’s new album 1989, which I’d like to write a review of eventually. Yes, I pre-ordered the deluxe-edition album – deal with it.

Michael Newman and the Order of the Phoenix

                In a sad bit of news, I had to get my hair cut a few weeks ago. I would have eventually cut it; I don’t want it that long, but it would have been cool to grow it out a little longer; maybe just as long as Aragorn’s or the Winter Soldier’s hair. During the week before I cut it, the intramural ultimate frisbee team I was on made it to the tournament. In several of the previous games I didn’t play quite as well as I could have because my hair kept getting in my face. But during the tournament, my hair was long enough to tie it back into a ponytail. Don’t ask for photographic evidence, because I don’t have it. I only know of one picture in existence of my ponytailed hair, and it is currently in the possession of the student body chaplain, a guy in my unit who was also our team captain. The reason I cut my hair was because I was cast in a film project that requires me to wear a wig. With my long hair, my head was too big to fit in a wig.

                The film org on campus is working on a shot-for-shot film replication scene of a scene from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and I was cast as Lucius Malfoy, the father of Draco Malfoy and a Death Eater. If you’ve seen the movies or read the books, you know that Lucius Malfoy has long blonde hair. My hair wasn’t quite long enough to dye blonde, and I was told that dying dark hair a light color is difficult, so I cut it. I may eventually post a picture of me with my short hair, but for now, here are a couple pictures of me in my Lucius Malfoy costume, one with the Death Eater mask, the other without:



The scene we are replicating is near the end of the movie when Harry and his friends find the prophecy in the Department of Mysteries, then Bellatrix and I show up and try to take it from him. However, just recently there was a last-minute decision to cut the scene shorter; so it now ends before Bellatrix even shows up, meaning a large part of my scenes were cut as well. I don’t mind however; it was still really fun being a part of this. The purpose of the project is study what it’s like to work on making a real film, which is actually really neat. I now understand why movies take so long to make. Even for simple one or two-second shots, it is often necessary to do many different takes. A green screen is used for all the shots because a model of the set inside the Department of Mysteries is being created on a computer. Once it’s all finished, it should look pretty similar to the actual scene. Everyone involved in the film will receive a digital copy of the scene when it’s complete, so I may be able to post it on here at that point. I just finished filming the last of my scenes today, so now I’m almost completely done. The only part I have left is to come back sometime during post production and re-record my lines for audio clarity. Unfortunately I didn’t get to keep the costume or the mask, but they let me keep the wand and walking stick. Overall, it was great working on this project; I can now put this on my résumé if I decide to pursue some kind of film career.

An Update on Classes, Graduation, and the Future

For the most part, this semester has been surprisingly easy, especially for a penultimate school semester. But as usual, I’m now finding myself having to finish up all the papers and projects I didn’t work on (or didn’t need to work on) earlier. My History of the English Language class (or H.O.T.E.L.), is going alright. The class is more of a history class than an English class, so the class format and the information we’ve learned in the class is not something I’m used to. I think (or hope) I’m doing decently enough to pass the class, but I’m honestly not too sure. Theology II is going much better. I’m like half a point away from an A- right now. The class is engaging and I love how much of it actually applies to my spiritual life. We also get to answer big theological questions like “Was Jesus actually ever tempted to sin?” My Graphic Novel class is going pretty well. We’ve been reading a ton of graphic novels; the most recent of which, Persepolis, I greatly enjoyed. As the final project of that class, I, along with two other students, will create my own graphic novel, though only 12-15 pages. The other students are doing most of the story writing while I’ll be the illustrator. I’ve had practice with comic art in the past. For years my brother and I wrote comics that were originally based on Disney’s Kim Possible TV show, though now they’ve gone completely away from anything similar to the original show. All that really remains are the character names and likenesses (except for that character we turned into a shark…).

Advanced Composition, as I’ve said before, is probably my favorite class. I love the essays we read in it, like George Orwell’s “Why I Write,” and I’ve been greatly enjoying the writing as well. Many of what I write is similar to this kind of writing, only more focused. This semester I’m also taking World Mythology Online, a class that sounds more exciting that it actually is. I’ve enjoyed reading many of the myths, but I recently found out that the class doesn’t count at all towards graduation. Now that I know this I have like zero motivation for the class. I now have a 5-7 page research paper due tomorrow night for that class, but I really don’t want to work on it. I sincerely hope my senioritis is cured before next semester begins…

Next semester is going to kill me; that is, if I’m able to sign up for classes for next semester. Registration has been open for me for a couple months now, but I haven’t been able to sign up for classes due to countless financial things that get in the way, putting business office holds that prevent me from registering. I’ve talked to many people but I still don’t know what else there is to do.

So assuming I’ll be here next semester, I’ll be taking Survey of British Literature from 1800 (AKA Brit Lit 2), Contemporary Studies in World Literature, American Literature from 1820-1865, American Women Writers, and the dreaded final capstone class, English Seminar. This last class alone might almost kill me, but tied together with the others, I’m going to die almost as many times as Rory from Doctor Who next semester.

After I graduate, it’s beginning to look like my best option now is take a year off from school, work and raise money, then go on to grad school somewhere else the next year. At this point most grad schools are going through applications that have already been submitted, so it would be too late for me to submit one; I’m not sure where I would even go. It’s still a dream of mine to one day go to school in Oxford and stay at C. S. Lewis’ house, so I’ll keep that in mind for the future.