This week in Theology II, we’ve been studying eschatology
(the study of end times). Today specifically we were talking about
heaven, and I was surprised by the huge amount of questions that were asked.
Questions like: What will our new bodies be like in heaven? Will we all be the
age we died in heaven, or will there not even be a concept of age? Since the Bible
says there is no marriage in heaven, will there be any concept of gender? Do
all dogs really go to heaven? Will we
recognize people there? Will we miss or have pity on people that aren’t in
heaven? What will we remember about our life on earth when we’re in heaven?
Will any of these questions even matter?
After pondering
these questions, I began to feel afraid. I know that as a Christian I should be
looking forward to heaven with eager expectation, but I don’t know that I am. I
know that it will be better than anything here on earth, and I know that I’ll
love it; I guess maybe I’m afraid of the unknown.
I’m
also afraid that all my family and friends will be different. I know that I
will get to see most of them in heaven; but what will those relationships be
like? Will I still think of my mom and dad as my mom and dad? Or my brother and
sisters as real siblings? And how can my parents be happy in heaven even though
they won’t be married? How will I be happy about that? I’m afraid just thinking
that one day in heaven I might not care about things like that. They matter
here; why wouldn’t they matter in heaven as well? I look forward to reuniting
with family and friends, but will we get to spend time with each other the way
we do here?
Another
thing about heaven that terrifies me is the concept of eternity. That’s
something I can’t fathom, and I don’t think I want to. When I get to heaven, I’ll
be there forever. Like, forever and ever. Time in heaven will just keep on
going and going and going. I don’t know what I think about that. Here we have a
regular concept of time; days, months, years, centuries; but these terms will
be useless in heaven. Time won’t matter, and we’ll have no feasible way to keep
track of it anyway.
But
just thinking about being in one place and never ever leaving makes me feel
uneasy. I know that God will be there, and we will be rejoicing in His presence
all the time, but (and I don’t know how to say this in a good Christian way)
that sounds like it would get tiring, or dare I say boring. I know that when I
get there things will be different, but I just can’t grasp the idea now.
One of
my favorite pictures of heaven comes from the very end of C. S. Lewis’ The Last Battle, the final book in his Chronicles of Narnia series. “All their
life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover
and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great
Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every
chapter is better than the one before.” This passage makes heaven sound much
better than the common idea of everyone living in a golden city in the clouds. I
like the idea of heaven looking a little bit like earth, only perfect. As I’m
writing this now, my fears begin to fade a little bit. But at the same time I
realize that I have no need to worry about this at all. Heaven will be perfect,
and God will be there; that’s all I really need to know. I guess I just get
caught up worrying about everything that will change, even though the change
will be perfect.
Is it a
normal thing for a Christian to be more worried than excited about heaven?
Because I know I am. I know this is not something I should be worrying about
right now. As far as I know I still have my whole life ahead of me. Maybe
someday I’ll have a better understanding of heaven and eternity, and maybe then
I’ll be less frightened of the idea. But until then I suppose I’ll just try not
to think about it too much; only enough to know the questions for the Theology
II final…
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