Graduation, Big Fish, and the World of Tomorrow

School and Graduation

The last you heard from me, apart from blog posts relating to the New York City Missions Trip, was that I was about to enter the most perilous part of my journey at Cedarville. The only thing standing between me and graduation was one final semester of five English classes. Previous semesters where I had had two or three English classes were already tough enough, but as I look back on those now, they were not so bad. But this last semester was incredibly tough, the second half more so than the first half. Actually, it seemed like the semester only got harder the closer I got to the end. In the last week alone I had to write around 40 pages worth of research papers. Unfortunately towards the end of the semester I was forced to turn in a couple incomplete papers simply because I literally did not have the time. It’s not how I wanted to end my Cedarville career, but at least I survived. I was extremely worried during my last few weeks, and even several weeks after graduation, that I hadn’t passed all my classes. I received a diploma during the graduation ceremony, but I didn’t feel accomplished until my grades came in the mail, and thank God, the impossible happened: I had passed all my classes.

But despite barely holding on to life my last few weeks, when I had turned in my last paper, I felt great (though not quite as great as when I found out I didn’t fail). I submitted my last assignment on April 30, my birthday. About an hour after turning in my last paper my family arrived (minus Debra, who was in a play at the time). After getting lunch with them and showing them around the school, I had one last adventure at the Indian Mounds with Nat and Steve, hung out with other friends, then saw the midnight 7pm showing of Avengers: Age of Ultron. All in all, a great birthday. I graduated two days later, then flew home two days after that.

But now I’m feeling bittersweet. I’m extremely glad that I’m done with school (for now, depending on whether or not I go to grad school), but I’m also sad that I won’t be living with all my friends at school anymore. When I first left home for Cedarville I was heartbroken, but when I finally left my dorm for the last time and said goodbye to everyone, I felt the same way. They were like a second family to me. And unfortunately this sad feeling will likely only get worse when the next school year starts and I will remain in California. I do plan on visiting, however; probably in October sometime.

In an earlier post I talked about how the English major was not all that I thought it was, and I still believe this to be true, but I still believe it helped me, and will continue to help me in the future. I may or may not pursue a career directly related to the English major, but it helped me gain new perspectives on the world. One of my favorite classes I took during my last semester was American Women Writers. One of the biggest projects our class worked on was reading and recovering journals written over 100 years ago by Martha McMillan, a resident of the town of Cedarville. Through studying these journals, our class learned about the importance of an ordinary life. In reading her thoughts about day-to-day life, we got a new perspective on history. We also found that, in looking at her entire life from start to end (as if we were Fates looking at her cord of life), we were able to see the impact she made, however big or small, on her world. We learned that every life is important, even if they aren’t remembered 100 years after their death.

The inside of the journal I transcribed. This one detailed Martha's travels to California in 1904.

It’s interesting to see which figures history chooses to immortalize. With the other books we studied in this class, like Hope Leslie by Catharine Maria Sedgwick and Iola Leroy by Frances E. W. Harper, we read perspectives on history that we had never heard of before. I gained a new appreciation for writers that had previously been disregarded and I gained an awareness of the fact that we only choose to preserve those writings that seem most important to us at the time. Another book we read, Clovernook Sketches and Other Stories by Alice Cary, had previously been out of print, was re-published by the American Women Writers series, but since then has once again gone out of print. No one knows about it, so they don’t read it, so it gets lost in time. (Maybe this is part of the reason I would love to time-travel.) (Also, speaking of time-travel, I added an additional section to my review of X-Men: Days of Future Past to include the recently released Rogue Cut of the film. You can read it here.)

So the English major, and my whole college experience really, was good for getting new perspectives on life. I’m still not sure how what I learned will affect my life in the future, but I know God had me there for a reason. Only He knows whether or not my bachelor’s degree in English will directly relate to my future.

Big Fish

Here's the poster for the play I was in! Unfortunately, I couldn't find the version of the poster that had my name on it.

I suppose my English skills helped me know how to understand characters and stories, and maybe that’s why I was cast in Big Fish. I first heard about this musical (based on the movie by Tim Burton, based on a book) back in Cedarville when my Mom mentioned she would be playing piano for it. Two days after I graduation, I arrived back in California. I auditioned that same day. The flight got in around 11am, so I had almost the whole day to adjust to being home. After arriving, my mom mentioned she would be helping with auditions later that day and wanted to know if I would be interested in auditioning. “Why not?” I thought to myself, “I don’t know anything about this musical, but I don’t have any other plans for the summer yet.” I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, and I had no idea I would eventually be cast as one of the leads.

 I kind of think one of the main reasons I was cast is because I’m one of the few guys that actually auditioned. I know it was probably more than that (maybe I looked the right age or build for the character or something), but I didn’t have too much experience acting, and my singing isn’t great either. I felt bad for my sister, a theatre major, because her role in the musical was not as big, despite the fact that she’s been in way more plays and musicals than I’ve been in (before this I had only been in two high school productions in minor parts). There were several times during rehearsal when I questioned (in my head, not out loud) why I was cast, or why the directors didn’t trade me for someone else, especially when I wasn’t quite getting the songs or the scenes right, but I see now that I just needed some self-confidence.

Telling myself that I could do it, that I was going to do great, was essential for giving me the energy to hit all the high notes in my songs and staying in character in my scenes. When I struggled with singing during rehearsals, I would sometimes think to myself how bad I sound, which would only make me sound worse, travelling through the downward spiral I had been through so many times at Cedarville while trying to complete essays and assignments. I found that the way to fight this is to remain positive. My mom also gave me some great advice: know who you are performing for. God gave me this talent, and it was His will that I be in this musical. It only seemed right that I should perform for His glory. It’s kind of like when you are young, eager to show your parents a new trick you learned, saying “Look Daddy, look what I can do!”

That mindset certainly helped me through each performance. There were 13 shows altogether, and for the most part the show got better each night. It wasn’t too difficult to remember lines; most of it became muscle memory eventually. The same with the singing, though I struggled more with that. I had two big solos along with a couple other songs I sang in. The hardest song was one of the last in the show: “What’s Next.” The beginning was okay, but near the end of the song the notes get higher and higher, but not quite high enough for me to sing it in falsetto (head voice). What made it worse is that while singing this I had to run about on stage while pushing my stage father around in a wheelchair.

Me singing "What's Next" near the end of the musical. Photo credit to Linda Jarrett.

The character I played in the show is Will Bloom, the son of Edward Bloom. Will has grown up hearing awesome stories and adventures about his dad, but now that his father is dying, Will wants to find out the true versions of stories, to see if there is anything his dad was hiding about his past. The part I played was a really emotional one which was difficult (though not as much as the singing). My character gets really angry in a few different scenes, and those were especially hard for me to act out because I rarely get angry (and when I am angry, I don’t shout like my character does). I also had to express happiness at finding out my wife and I have a child on the way, and deep sadness when I find out that my father is on his deathbed.

It’s actually an interesting character study. This musical is a text just like any other book or movie and can be studied and read in a similar manner. Through getting into what drives Will and how he reacts to situations, I was able to understand more and more about his character and about the story as a whole. This was actually an important job, because on stage I needed to be in this character 100% of the time, which was a challenge at first, but eventually became quite fun.

The show as a whole was a unique experience, and it was fun being able to be a part of this with both my mom and my sister. It was also great being able to meet new friends through this show. I already miss being in this show and hanging out with them even though the show just ended four days ago. I’ll likely audition for more shows in the future. Who knows? Maybe I could make a career out of this…

Work and the Future

That’s unlikely, though. I’ve lived my whole life being told that I can’t get a job doing entertainment, be that drama, movies, music, or anything like that. I mean, people do have jobs like that, but finding success at something like that is difficult. For now I better find some kind of “real” job, because my school bills are going to start coming in a couple months, and I really want to be able to pay them.

At first I had considered working in Sequoia National Park again this summer, since I had so much fun with that last summer, but then being cast in Big Fish threw that idea out the window. I’ve really wanted to visit up there again, see my old friends, but the play kept me crazy busy. But maybe I’ll have time now.

After I arrived home, I worked with my Dad for a few weeks at his part-time construction job, but that became exhausting pretty quickly, especially when I would come home from a long day of work then leave for rehearsal half an hour later. Now that the play is over, I might go back to doing that again, but I also am pursuing a job possibly as a substitute teacher. About a month ago I took the CBEST, an exam which tests if I know enough basic knowledge to work in the school district. I of course passed, but I was disappointed that I did better in the math portion than the English portion…

The next step for me is to get fingerprinted to make sure I’m not a criminal. Fortunately, I’ve been careful about not leaving fingerprints at crime scenes, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Fire doesn’t leave much evidence anyway, right?

After that, I get a job as a substitute teacher, then who knows? Maybe I’ll go to grad school, maybe I’ll get a teaching license and become an English teacher, maybe I’ll get a job somewhere else completely random, maybe I’ll become a movie star and win an Academy Award. I honestly have no idea. I guess it’s a little exciting knowing that I have so much potential right now as a 23-year-old fresh out of college. The rest of my life begins now.

I’ll try to post on here more often than I have recently. Until then, keep me in your prayers. I only have one life and I want it to be good, but I also want to make sure it is glorifying to God.