The last you heard from me, I had recently been fired (unfairly, in my opinion) from an after-school job. That had marked the third time in my life that I had been fired from a job. It's not something that looks great on a resume, nor is it something that inspires much confidence. That was April 11 last year. It was the start of a really awful six-month period in my life.
For the first couple months after losing my job I was continuing to pay my student loans, which ate through my savings extremely fast until I had nothing left. I then had to contact all the student loan companies to put all my payments on hold because I was unable to make any more payments. So I had no income whatsoever, but at least now I had nothing I had to pay.
Because I had no income (and at the suggestion of the very people who fired me) I applied for unemployment benefits shortly after losing my job. I waited a couple weeks, then found out that I had been denied. I knew I could have fought that decision and appealed to get my benefits, but I had assumed that it would take a lot of time and effort, possibly involving some kind of court hearings or something, so I did nothing. I realize now I should have fought anyway, but I guess I figured (or at least hoped) that I would be employed soon, or maybe I was just too depressed to care about it.
While looking into unemployment insurance, I came in contact with the local employment center - a free resource for job seekers in need of help. I ended up going there on a regular basis for several months, attending workshops and meeting with career coaches. In these workshops I learned valuable tips on how to improve my resume, how to better complete online applications, and how to succeed in interviews (especially when answering that pivotal question "Tell me about yourself"). I also learned from my career coach that eye contact is vitally important when meeting employers (or really when meeting anyone). This step, more than all the others, really helped me begin to regain some self-confidence.
At the same time I was visiting the employment center, I was also regularly applying for jobs online, visiting places in person, and even attending a few job fairs. I can't tell you how often I got the email saying something like "Thanks for applying but we've decided to go with someone else at this time." And out of the probably hundreds of applications I sent in, I only ever got around five job interviews.
It frustrated me (in fact, still frustrates me) how other people seem to find jobs so quickly and easily. Why can they get jobs and I can't? What's different about them? Or what's wrong with me? Even after all the help I had been receiving, I still wasn't seeming to make any progress. Weeks and weeks went by and though I was getting more confident in my job hunting abilities, I was only getting more and more depressed. It was now early October. I had now been unemployed for about six months.
Around that time, many businesses were beginning to hire seasonal workers to aid in the upcoming madness that is the holiday shopping season. Many of these companies had hiring events starting in early October, so I attended as many as I could.
On the morning of Friday, October 11, I attended a hiring event at Target. It was like many of the other hiring events I had attended: unorganized and frustrating. There were probably at least fifty people there hoping to get jobs, and everyone that attended was guaranteed an interview (which was the only way I was getting interviews anyway). Some stood better chances than others. Based on what I had learned in those workshops, I could tell just by looking around who was ready and who wasn't. I was ready. I had to wait almost three hours, but I eventually got my interview.
The interviewer started off by asking me about myself, a question I was well prepared for. I was then asked a few other questions, mostly about how well I get along with co-workers and with customers or guests. These questions I answered as well as I could, though I struggled a little. While waiting for those three hours, I had googled typical questions asked at Target interviews and was studying the best answers. I wrote down my own answers on my phone and had memorized them, which greatly helped. I thought the interview had gone as well as others I had, maybe a little better.
Apparently it was just good enough! The interviewer told me he would be moving me forward and then directed me to HR where I then discussed my schedule and when I might begin working there as a seasonal employee.
Finally, something good. After all this time, I finally won the job lottery. I was only hired seasonally, but I was happy to take literally any job. Part of me wondered "why now? Why did it have to take so long?", though most of me was just relieved my months and months of job searching had at last proven fruitful. Later that day I had another hiring event I was planning on attending - at Best Buy. I had my interview there as well, which I thought went just as well as my Target interview, but they did not hire me. It really honestly seems to me like a lottery.
It took a couple weeks after my successful interview before I actually had my orientation and began working. My official first day of work was Halloween (October 31). I was primarily trained to work the checkout lanes, though I was also taught self-checkout. On Thanksgiving I was scheduled for an eight-hour shift, which wasn't so bad because I was paid time and a half (1.5x my usual pay). I was also scheduled that day to work in Tech, an area I had expressed interest in when I first applied. I ended up working that day until 1:15am, which made me even more grateful that I was not scheduled to work that Friday (Black Friday).
After that busy evening working in Tech, I worked there several more times, including the entire week before Christmas, which was crazy busy. I worked full eight-hour days that whole week, so I was exhausted after all that. Fortunately I got to spend the entirety of Christmas day without having to leave the house. I worked the day after Christmas, and the day after that, but then I finally got more of a break.
As Christmas was approaching (and more so after Christmas), I began wondering what the state of my employment would be after Christmas. Seeing as I was hired seasonally, I was very unsure, and very worried, about what would happen to me once the store was no longer busy with holiday shoppers. Only a small number of seasonal employees are kept each year and I was really really hoping that I would be one of those. I could not stand to go back to where I was before.
On the 26th I asked one of the supervisors when decisions might be made about which seasonal employees would be staying on. She told me they had just had a meeting about it that day and would be letting people know next week.
Cut to about a week ago - New Year's Day. I was working a four hour shift when, near the end of my shift, one of the supervisors came into my checkout lane and told me that one of the managers needed to see me in his office for a meeting.
To say that I was nervous would be a huge understatement. I knew that sometime this week I would be finding out whether I would be staying or leaving, but the realization that I would be finding out in just a couple minutes had me shook.
As I walked down the hall, thoughts of all the mistakes I have made so far in this job came back to me, and did nothing to calm my nerves. I honestly had no idea which way the conversation was going to go. I certainly hoped I had done well enough - I certainly tried the very best I could. I hadn't missed a day of work, nor had I even been late for a shift, and I've always had a positive attitude while working my shifts. I just hoped that these qualities were enough to earn my keep here.
I entered the office, trying my best to hide my nervousness, and the conversation went something like this:
Manager: Well, I've got good news for you. As you know we only keep on a small number of seasonal employees, and based on your performance so far we'd like to keep you on. Would that work for you? Would you like to stay on?
Me (a little too quickly and eagerly): Yes!
I don't remember too much more of the conversation after that. He told me that my hours would be limited for the months of January through March (a slow time for them), but that I would still be staying on as a Guest Advocate (working in the checkout lanes). He also told me that I would able to pick up shifts in Tech as well, since I've worked several shifts there already. I shook his hand, clocked out, submitted a request for a new name tag (this time with my name engraved on it, rather than just a sticker on it, which is what I've had), then went to the parking lot and sat in the car for several minutes - still processing what had just transpired. I don't think I completely calmed down until after I got home.
I found out later that out of all the seasonal employees that were hired, only six were kept on. I cannot believe how fortunate I am.
TL;DR - I got hired seasonally at Target, but they decided to keep me on full time!
Finding out on the first day of the year that I am going to keep my current job is honestly a great way to start the new year. This is what I've been waiting for pretty much since graduating from Cedarville. After years and years I finally have a job that isn't temporary. It would be really easy right now for me to go on a large rant about how hard it is to find a job nowadays, but you don't need to hear that right now, and I don't need to think about that right now. I was trapped for so long in that dark place; now that I am finally finding my way out, I don't want to look back on where I've been. I feel like for a long long time I've been stuck. Now at last, I'm finally starting to budge. Sure, I'm 27 years old and still living with my parents, working a job that doesn't pay enough to support living on my own, BUT AT LEAST I HAVE A JOB. It's a good start.
In other news...
So how has my life been other than the usual vocational drama? I'm glad you asked.
In my last post, I expressed my desire to audition for a local production of Prince Caspian (since I missed out on auditions for the previous show, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe). In the midst of my dark times, one of the few things that brought light to my life was that production of Prince Caspian. I auditioned and was cast in the role of Doctor Cornelius, Prince Caspian's tutor. Ironically it was not the first time I had been cast as a half-dwarf character. At least this time I didn't have to act on my knees.
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| Me giving Prince Caspian the magic horn of Queen Susan |
I had a great experience being a part of that cast and that theater company. One of my favorite parts of rehearsals was that we practiced acting and improv skills in addition to learning our blocking for our scenes. I also greatly enjoyed that we got to do some stage combat in this play - something that I hadn't had any practice in since I took the class at COS back in 2011. Doctor Cornelius isn't necessarily a character that fights, but they made exception for me because I had previous experience.
Another aspect of the show that I enjoyed was the venue. Because the Enchanted Playhouse Theater Company lost their theater where they had been performing (due to, I believe, someone buying it from them or something), they had to perform somewhere else - and they chose the historic Fox Theater in downtown Visalia. It's a beautiful old building that seats far more than the old theater used to. I also thought it was cool that just about a week after the show ended, Switchfoot held a concert on the same stage where I performed. I had never seen Switchfoot live before, and I enjoyed the concert very much.
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| Our seats were just as good as what we had for the Owl City concert last year! |
One encouraging part of Prince Caspian was the reception. I had a few different people tell me I was their favorite character in the show, and at least one board member from the theater told me he hopes to see me continue in other shows with them. It's always nice to hear things like that. I still also get people that recognize me from other shows sometimes. Most recently, two different people at Target recognized me as Charlie Brown from Encore Theater's production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown about a year ago.
In addition, both during Prince Caspian and afterwards I was contacted by people from both the Tulare Encore Theater and the Lindsay Community Theater about upcoming auditions for their shows, and how they wanted me to be in them. I have unfortunately had to turn down most of these acting opportunities, especially when I was searching for jobs, and even more so when I was in that period of limbo when I didn't know whether or not I would be staying at Target. I wanted to make sure I was available any and every day for work, just in case. Maybe now that I am officially staying at Target, I can once again help out in a stage production somewhere.
It's always nice to be wanted - I just wish that the people wanting me to be in their productions could pay me as well. I would still love one day to be able to do this kind of thing for a living, or at least as a side job that still pays money, but that is a nearly impossible dream. If it took me six months to even get a seasonal job, then another two months for them to decide they wanted to keep me on full time. By that math I won't get a job that I really really like and also pays well until I'm almost old enough to retire, and by then all my best years will have been spent. If I have to win a lottery just to be employed, how much more difficult will it be to get an actual career (especially one that I really enjoy)?
There I go talking about jobs again... As you can tell, I've got a lot to say about the subject. When I go off I really go off. I need prayer.
Prayer Requests
Pray that I would not listen to that evil little voice trying to create doubt and anxiety by planting questions in my brain like: "so how long do you think you'll last here before you get fired again?" Pray that I would be more receptive to hear the voice of truth instead. My mental health in general would be a good thing to pray for.
Pray that I would either be able to find an additional job to bring in more money, or just to be able to get more hours at Target. I very much desire independence. And also health insurance would be nice - I'd like to be able to go to the dentist again, or the optometrist. I would just like to have a steady, regular income so that I can begin to actually have a working budget.
Pray that I would pray more often. I still pray occasionally, most often when I'm feeling desperate, but I know I need to pray more than that. In general my relationship with God is not that great right now I guess. It's just kind of meh, which I know is probably not a good thing. I don't really learn much in church (and yes, I do pay attention to the sermon), and I haven't regularly read the Bible in a while. I attended a Bible study briefly last fall, which I enjoyed, but I was only able to make it to half the meetings (because of rehearsal for Prince Caspian and also work).
Pray that I would be able to manage my time better. Because I work random hours and random days, I am unable to create a strict daily schedule, but I'd still like to have my days be more productive. I'd like to have time set aside for exercise, practicing guitar, and Bible reading. I don't even know when in the day to do those things.
Pray for my life. It's moving really slowly, and things are not happening the way I want them to. While yes, I am obviously extremely grateful and fortunate to be able to stay on at Target, I just find it annoying that it's taken me so long to get a job that others get at age 18 with no difficulty. I want my life to begin already - the way I want it to. God has given me dreams and abilities: when is he going to do something about them? I feel like I was made for more than what I am now. I can't stand to see others succeed when I have done basically nothing in comparison. Maybe I also need prayer to not compare myself to others - maybe that would make me happier. And patience - patience would probably be a good thing to pray for as well.
I have no idea who even reads my blog anymore, but thank you for reading and for praying!
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