Destiny

When I was around six years old, still living at my old house in New Jersey, I distinctly remember having a moment of self-awareness. I was walking about our hillside backyard thinking to myself when suddenly I had a thought. “Who am I?” The question was much more loaded that it sounds. I can only describe my epiphany as this: it was like I suddenly realized that I was controlling my own body, that I was seeing everything around me from my perspective, like my eyes were now cameras filming a real-time documentary shot in first-person. I realized then and there that I must be the subject of some great story waiting to happen. Why else would I be here? Maybe I’m seeing myself in this life because I will one day be President of the United States? Maybe I have some great destiny, captured through the lens of my video-eyes, that will one day be worth watching by others. Maybe I’ll have a life that will really mean something.

In the five months since graduating Cedarville University with a degree in English, I’ve been pretty aimless. I had no job lined up or anything really planned for when I got back home to California. It was nice to have the distraction of the musical I was in for the first couple months of summer, but eventually reality caught up to me. I am an adult, I have bills to pay, I have a life to live, whatever that means.

I’ve always been afraid of the future. But I didn’t realize until post-graduations how much there really is to be frightened of. How long will I live with my parents? What kind of job(s) will I get stuck with? Will I ever get married and start a family? What am I doing with my life and how do I get there? (Can time machines be a real thing now?)

As a Christian, I know the “Christian answers” to many of these questions. Yes, I know that I should strive to glorify God in everything I do, but what do I do? I know that I am supposed to trust God for future things because He has seen the future and knows exactly what it looks like, but I sometimes wish I could just be there already. I don’t like looking into the ominous black void of my future that every day seems just one day away. At school the only future I had to worry about was homework and what classes I would be taking the next semester. The real world is totally different than I expected, and much scarier.

I am reminded of a great quote from the TV series Merlin: “No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn”

In my mind I still have a little bit of that call of destiny that I first noticed when I was six: that call to greatness. I realize that I must take the slow path, making mistakes that will help me to learn on the way. I suppose only God knows where that path leads.

To Teach, or Not to Teach?

After about a month and a half of subbing in the school district here I’m really not sure I want to be a teacher, even though I know it’s what everyone wants or expects me to do. Every time (and I mean every time) someone asks me what my major was at college and I reply “English,” they always respond with “Oh, so you want to be a teacher?” To which I inwardly reply: “……..”

Now I’ve known for a while that this probably isn’t something I want to do for a job, but now I’m becoming more convinced of it. I signed up to be a substitute teacher partly for the money (school bills start coming next month) but mostly for the experience. I guess maybe I want to humor the people who assume I’m going to be a teacher by putting my foot in the water and seeing what a job in education is like.

Last week I had a particularly hard class to sub for, but I endured it as I always do by taking in the knowledge that I likely will not have to sub for this particular class again anytime soon. But at the end of that school day I got talking with a teacher there who explained to me that substitute teaching is one of the hardest jobs in the world, saying that she would only be a sub if she depended on the money to keep from starving. But she also encouraged me to keep at it. Subs are in big demand right now, and they’re really an integral part of the education system. That convinced me to stick around for a while longer, though I’m still fairly certain I will only be doing this until, at the most, the end of the school year.

But as far as teaching goes. I’m still very unsure. I don’t know if my stubbornness is clouding my judgement - that I’m only against teaching because everyone expects it, or perhaps I seriously do believe that I’m not cut out to be a teacher, but I am conflicted by the expectations of others and of my desire to have some kind of job in writing for TV or movies.

Now I know that teaching and subbing are totally different, but maybe I’m just scared at the idea of being a teacher. I’ve realized after a few bad days of subbing, that I’m not great at controlling large classrooms. I don’t know how to be assertive, and I don’t like getting mad. (I was forced to act angry a few times in the musical I was in during the summer, but that was acting, and even then I didn’t enjoy all the shouting and negativity). I have realized, however, that I rather enjoy the one-on-one helping of students with their work. Maybe I can get some kind of a tutoring job or something.

I’ve recently been reading through Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë. After leaving school, the title character goes to work as a governess at an estate, where her main occupation is tutoring a young girl that lives there. As a part of the job, Jane lives in the beautiful old house that I picture as being in a vast English countryside surrounded by trees. She seems to get paid well and her job seems simple, yet rewarding. I wouldn’t mind a position like that.

Homecoming

I’m not a fan of flying at all, but last weekend I endured the agony, knowing that I would soon be in one of my favorite places again: Cedarville University. This last weekend was Homecoming so naturally I revisited my second home and my second family there. It was a really quick visit, but great nonetheless. I had a ton of people I wanted to see and I’m pretty sure I saw most of them.

I spent most of the time with my old bro/sis unit, but I also got to spend time with some Ohio family, including my brother who is still at Cedarville studying pharmacy. I really enjoyed playing boardgames with him and his friends, then watching an episode of Doctor Who with him.

During the trip I visited many memorable places on campus, including the library where I basically lived last semester. I also sat in on a class: History of the English Language (HOTEL for short). I had taken this almost exactly a year ago, so it was fun to revisit the material, as well as see the teacher again.

What was nice about my visit  was that I was able to do many things with my friends that I couldn’t do my last couple semesters there (because I was busy writing 10-page papers every other day). It was cool, but also a little weird, to be in that environment again but not taking any classes. Another difference was that most of the guys I know moved to a bigger hall this school year, but it didn’t change too much. It was still mostly the same people, and that’s all that really mattered.

It certainly lifted my spirits to see all my friends again, and I’m sure them seeing me again made them happy too. I don’t really hang out with people outside my family when I’m home, because outside my family, I don’t really know people. I suppose that since I’m living here with no other current plans I should try to meet people in my area, but it was a pleasant distraction to be able to see my friends again.

Unfortunately I don’t know if I’ll be able to visit again in the near future. Plane tickets from California to Ohio and back are not cheap. But if you are one of my Cedarville friends reading this right now, know that you can always reach me for a text or phone conversation (if you have my number), or if you want to videochat/Skype (assuming the internet works here, which it often does not). In the meantime I’ll try to keep working on that bestseller so that I can buy you all plane tickets so you can come visit me for spring break next semester.

An Unexpected First Day of School and Other Stories

An Unexpected First Day of School

            Fingerprints have been completed, and it has been deduced that I am not a criminal. With that out of the way I was able to complete the application process for becoming a substitute teacher. The last thing to do was a TB test. After they poked my arm and determined that I did not have tuberculosis, they sent me straight away to the district office to turn in my final applications. The time was 8:45…

Alright, everything is in order. Are you willing to start today?

What

Well, I know you didn’t sign up to sub for junior high, but they really need someone to sub for this English class there.

Uh, sure? I mean, I did major in English…

Great! Here are your instructions you better get over there now class starts in five minutes go

            It was late-start Wednesday, so class started at 9:00. I had very little time to get dressed into fancy clothes, make my messy hair look somewhat presentable, and drive over to the school. Fortunately when I got there, I discovered that the teacher was still there, and would be there the rest of the week. They only needed a sub there to sit in and watch because the actual teacher was waiting on some kind of test results, so he technically wasn’t allowed to teach so they technically needed to have someone else there. This was easy for me; I was basically his assistant for about a week, grading papers or going around checking on in-class work. There was one day he didn’t need me at all so I read The Giver, a book they were going over in class.

            This was also good experience for me. I was able to observe the teacher, see how he handles his class in dealing with discipline and instruction. With this knowledge I felt I was able to sufficiently run the class when the teacher was actually gone one day the next week and the class was all mine. However, junior highers are ruthless and much harder to control than I thought. My throat really hurt at the end of the day because I had spent the whole time trying to talk over the kids who wouldn’t shut up.

            I only work if I get a call at 6:30 in the morning with instructions on where to go and for whom I am subbing. If not, I get to sleep in and watch more episodes of Star Wars: The Clone Wars (which I’m trying to finish so I can watch Star Wars: Rebels, both in preparation for The Force Awakens in December).

            This last week I only got called twice, both times to Kaweah High School, the continuation school for Exeter Union High School. For those who don’t know, a continuation school is where they send the kids who have failed too many classes or been sent to detention too many times. But based on my experience however, it seems like most kids were there because of attitude, not academics. Trying to control them wasn’t actually much different than at the junior high school. The kids who wanted to work, did, and those who didn’t, didn’t. The only difference was that I kept telling them to keep the profanity down and put their phones away. The junior highers didn’t have to put away any phones, just Kendamas, a yo-yo type toy of Japanese origin that is apparently the new fad.

            So now that I’ve subbed at the two hardest places to sub, going to the regular high school, or subbing at an elementary school will seem much easier (probably). I like that subbing allows me the opportunity to try out different age levels of teaching. I’m still unsure if I want to go into teaching at all, but this is a good way of putting my feet in the water. It’s a bit annoying actually that everyone assumes or expects me to go into teaching. There are many other things I can do with an English degree. I mean I guess I’m okay with possibly teaching, but I think I’m just so stubborn that I want to come to that conclusion myself. I would really love to work with movies or TV, writing scripts or creating stories or storyboards. I’m just subbing for now to begin paying off my impending school bills.

Other Stories

Fire is not always good

            I know that I often joke about my proclivity for pyromania, but in California right now there is an actually serious fire going on (which I did not cause by the way). It’s been all over the news, though I honestly don’t actually know too much about it. All I know is that it’s come dangerously close to many of my favorite places: Hume Lake Christian Camps, Sequoia National Park, and Wilsonia Village (where the family cabin is located). I would be really sad if I were never able to visit these places again. Though I appreciate fire on some levels, I do not like the amount of damage it has caused both in the mountains and down in the valley. The smoke and ash from the fire has travelled down and gotten trapped in the valley, causing the air quality to be even worse than it already was. If you are reading this, pray for rain. California needs it both for the fire and for the air.

Mac

            After much research and a lot of consideration on both sides, I have decided to go with a Mac for my next laptop. My old laptop isn’t broken, but it had been not performing as well for about a year. I figured I should get a new one before my other one breaks. There were a lot of reasons I chose this over a PC, though when I think about it now, I think one of the main ones is simply that I wanted to get a Mac all along anyway. I’ve never owned a Mac, so I figured this would be a good opportunity to try one out. Sure, Macs are a lot more expensive than PCs, but I figured that since I had the money I might as well. Plus, I still have a few months left of my grace period for my student loans. However, I noticed when I was looking for different models of Macs that most of them are now phasing out the inclusion of an internal CD/DVD drive. Most of them now are an external drive which must be purchased separately. Fortunately, I was able to find one that still had it included. What I ended up getting is a 13-inch Macbook Pro. I’m pretty happy with it so far. I purchased more hard drive space for this one because in my old laptop I always had a problem with running out of space. I still have a ton of things to figure out with this computer, but that will be my fun project to work on (since I’m not working on any homework).

Return to Cedarville

            Speaking of no homework, it’s been nice having a break from school. But one thing I miss about school is the people. The people I hung out with for the past three years became like a second family to me, and I truly missed them when I left in May. That’s why two weeks from today I will be there once again. Since most of my friends there are now seniors, this is really the best time to visit. Unfortunately, since plane tickets from California to Ohio are so expensive, I don’t think I’ll be able to visit more than once. I will be there from Friday, October 2 to Tuesday, October 6. While there I’ll divide my time between my old unit, my brother, former teachers and classmates possibly, and my uncle and aunt. If you’re reading this and you’ll be in southwestern Ohio during those days and you want to hang out, let me know! I don’t expect to write another blog post until after I’m back from the trip, so you will hear about it then.

Graduation, Big Fish, and the World of Tomorrow

School and Graduation

The last you heard from me, apart from blog posts relating to the New York City Missions Trip, was that I was about to enter the most perilous part of my journey at Cedarville. The only thing standing between me and graduation was one final semester of five English classes. Previous semesters where I had had two or three English classes were already tough enough, but as I look back on those now, they were not so bad. But this last semester was incredibly tough, the second half more so than the first half. Actually, it seemed like the semester only got harder the closer I got to the end. In the last week alone I had to write around 40 pages worth of research papers. Unfortunately towards the end of the semester I was forced to turn in a couple incomplete papers simply because I literally did not have the time. It’s not how I wanted to end my Cedarville career, but at least I survived. I was extremely worried during my last few weeks, and even several weeks after graduation, that I hadn’t passed all my classes. I received a diploma during the graduation ceremony, but I didn’t feel accomplished until my grades came in the mail, and thank God, the impossible happened: I had passed all my classes.

But despite barely holding on to life my last few weeks, when I had turned in my last paper, I felt great (though not quite as great as when I found out I didn’t fail). I submitted my last assignment on April 30, my birthday. About an hour after turning in my last paper my family arrived (minus Debra, who was in a play at the time). After getting lunch with them and showing them around the school, I had one last adventure at the Indian Mounds with Nat and Steve, hung out with other friends, then saw the midnight 7pm showing of Avengers: Age of Ultron. All in all, a great birthday. I graduated two days later, then flew home two days after that.

But now I’m feeling bittersweet. I’m extremely glad that I’m done with school (for now, depending on whether or not I go to grad school), but I’m also sad that I won’t be living with all my friends at school anymore. When I first left home for Cedarville I was heartbroken, but when I finally left my dorm for the last time and said goodbye to everyone, I felt the same way. They were like a second family to me. And unfortunately this sad feeling will likely only get worse when the next school year starts and I will remain in California. I do plan on visiting, however; probably in October sometime.

In an earlier post I talked about how the English major was not all that I thought it was, and I still believe this to be true, but I still believe it helped me, and will continue to help me in the future. I may or may not pursue a career directly related to the English major, but it helped me gain new perspectives on the world. One of my favorite classes I took during my last semester was American Women Writers. One of the biggest projects our class worked on was reading and recovering journals written over 100 years ago by Martha McMillan, a resident of the town of Cedarville. Through studying these journals, our class learned about the importance of an ordinary life. In reading her thoughts about day-to-day life, we got a new perspective on history. We also found that, in looking at her entire life from start to end (as if we were Fates looking at her cord of life), we were able to see the impact she made, however big or small, on her world. We learned that every life is important, even if they aren’t remembered 100 years after their death.

The inside of the journal I transcribed. This one detailed Martha's travels to California in 1904.

It’s interesting to see which figures history chooses to immortalize. With the other books we studied in this class, like Hope Leslie by Catharine Maria Sedgwick and Iola Leroy by Frances E. W. Harper, we read perspectives on history that we had never heard of before. I gained a new appreciation for writers that had previously been disregarded and I gained an awareness of the fact that we only choose to preserve those writings that seem most important to us at the time. Another book we read, Clovernook Sketches and Other Stories by Alice Cary, had previously been out of print, was re-published by the American Women Writers series, but since then has once again gone out of print. No one knows about it, so they don’t read it, so it gets lost in time. (Maybe this is part of the reason I would love to time-travel.) (Also, speaking of time-travel, I added an additional section to my review of X-Men: Days of Future Past to include the recently released Rogue Cut of the film. You can read it here.)

So the English major, and my whole college experience really, was good for getting new perspectives on life. I’m still not sure how what I learned will affect my life in the future, but I know God had me there for a reason. Only He knows whether or not my bachelor’s degree in English will directly relate to my future.

Big Fish

Here's the poster for the play I was in! Unfortunately, I couldn't find the version of the poster that had my name on it.

I suppose my English skills helped me know how to understand characters and stories, and maybe that’s why I was cast in Big Fish. I first heard about this musical (based on the movie by Tim Burton, based on a book) back in Cedarville when my Mom mentioned she would be playing piano for it. Two days after I graduation, I arrived back in California. I auditioned that same day. The flight got in around 11am, so I had almost the whole day to adjust to being home. After arriving, my mom mentioned she would be helping with auditions later that day and wanted to know if I would be interested in auditioning. “Why not?” I thought to myself, “I don’t know anything about this musical, but I don’t have any other plans for the summer yet.” I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, and I had no idea I would eventually be cast as one of the leads.

 I kind of think one of the main reasons I was cast is because I’m one of the few guys that actually auditioned. I know it was probably more than that (maybe I looked the right age or build for the character or something), but I didn’t have too much experience acting, and my singing isn’t great either. I felt bad for my sister, a theatre major, because her role in the musical was not as big, despite the fact that she’s been in way more plays and musicals than I’ve been in (before this I had only been in two high school productions in minor parts). There were several times during rehearsal when I questioned (in my head, not out loud) why I was cast, or why the directors didn’t trade me for someone else, especially when I wasn’t quite getting the songs or the scenes right, but I see now that I just needed some self-confidence.

Telling myself that I could do it, that I was going to do great, was essential for giving me the energy to hit all the high notes in my songs and staying in character in my scenes. When I struggled with singing during rehearsals, I would sometimes think to myself how bad I sound, which would only make me sound worse, travelling through the downward spiral I had been through so many times at Cedarville while trying to complete essays and assignments. I found that the way to fight this is to remain positive. My mom also gave me some great advice: know who you are performing for. God gave me this talent, and it was His will that I be in this musical. It only seemed right that I should perform for His glory. It’s kind of like when you are young, eager to show your parents a new trick you learned, saying “Look Daddy, look what I can do!”

That mindset certainly helped me through each performance. There were 13 shows altogether, and for the most part the show got better each night. It wasn’t too difficult to remember lines; most of it became muscle memory eventually. The same with the singing, though I struggled more with that. I had two big solos along with a couple other songs I sang in. The hardest song was one of the last in the show: “What’s Next.” The beginning was okay, but near the end of the song the notes get higher and higher, but not quite high enough for me to sing it in falsetto (head voice). What made it worse is that while singing this I had to run about on stage while pushing my stage father around in a wheelchair.

Me singing "What's Next" near the end of the musical. Photo credit to Linda Jarrett.

The character I played in the show is Will Bloom, the son of Edward Bloom. Will has grown up hearing awesome stories and adventures about his dad, but now that his father is dying, Will wants to find out the true versions of stories, to see if there is anything his dad was hiding about his past. The part I played was a really emotional one which was difficult (though not as much as the singing). My character gets really angry in a few different scenes, and those were especially hard for me to act out because I rarely get angry (and when I am angry, I don’t shout like my character does). I also had to express happiness at finding out my wife and I have a child on the way, and deep sadness when I find out that my father is on his deathbed.

It’s actually an interesting character study. This musical is a text just like any other book or movie and can be studied and read in a similar manner. Through getting into what drives Will and how he reacts to situations, I was able to understand more and more about his character and about the story as a whole. This was actually an important job, because on stage I needed to be in this character 100% of the time, which was a challenge at first, but eventually became quite fun.

The show as a whole was a unique experience, and it was fun being able to be a part of this with both my mom and my sister. It was also great being able to meet new friends through this show. I already miss being in this show and hanging out with them even though the show just ended four days ago. I’ll likely audition for more shows in the future. Who knows? Maybe I could make a career out of this…

Work and the Future

That’s unlikely, though. I’ve lived my whole life being told that I can’t get a job doing entertainment, be that drama, movies, music, or anything like that. I mean, people do have jobs like that, but finding success at something like that is difficult. For now I better find some kind of “real” job, because my school bills are going to start coming in a couple months, and I really want to be able to pay them.

At first I had considered working in Sequoia National Park again this summer, since I had so much fun with that last summer, but then being cast in Big Fish threw that idea out the window. I’ve really wanted to visit up there again, see my old friends, but the play kept me crazy busy. But maybe I’ll have time now.

After I arrived home, I worked with my Dad for a few weeks at his part-time construction job, but that became exhausting pretty quickly, especially when I would come home from a long day of work then leave for rehearsal half an hour later. Now that the play is over, I might go back to doing that again, but I also am pursuing a job possibly as a substitute teacher. About a month ago I took the CBEST, an exam which tests if I know enough basic knowledge to work in the school district. I of course passed, but I was disappointed that I did better in the math portion than the English portion…

The next step for me is to get fingerprinted to make sure I’m not a criminal. Fortunately, I’ve been careful about not leaving fingerprints at crime scenes, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Fire doesn’t leave much evidence anyway, right?

After that, I get a job as a substitute teacher, then who knows? Maybe I’ll go to grad school, maybe I’ll get a teaching license and become an English teacher, maybe I’ll get a job somewhere else completely random, maybe I’ll become a movie star and win an Academy Award. I honestly have no idea. I guess it’s a little exciting knowing that I have so much potential right now as a 23-year-old fresh out of college. The rest of my life begins now.

I’ll try to post on here more often than I have recently. Until then, keep me in your prayers. I only have one life and I want it to be good, but I also want to make sure it is glorifying to God.

New York City Evangelism: Post-Missions Trip Report

                If you are reading this right now because you got the link for my blog from a thank you note, apologies once again. It was never my intention to put this off so late, and I’m sorry for seemingly keeping you in the dark about how the trip went. Thank you once again for supporting me. I was able to get all the support I needed, both monetarily and spiritually.

                If you are reading this because you are one of the six awesome people I tagged in my Facebook post about this blog, I offer my apologies to you as well. I sincerely wanted to get this done as soon as I could, but the semester caught up to me before I got the chance. I hope this post brings back some memories and lessons from our trip together.

                As for everyone else, hi! Welcome back to my blog! I know, it’s been a super long time since I’ve posted in here… This blog post is primarily about my New York City Missions Trip in March. I’ll be posting a more general life-update post (hopefully) in the next week or two.

                When we got back from our trip the night of Sunday, March 8^th, I very much wanted to complete my blog post about the trip as soon as I could. But the next day, the semester struck with a fiery vengeance. I was all of a sudden swamped with more papers than I had ever written in my life, and countless books I had to read (most of which I unfortunately wasn’t able to finish). This blog post was always at the back of my mind, and I reeeaaallly wanted to finish writing it, but I sadly forced to prioritize, and school took precedence. However, before school caught up to me I had written about a third of this. I’ve kept most of that text since it was what I had actually written immediately after returning from the trip and it was all still fresh on my mind.

New York City Evangelism: Post-Missions Trip Report

The Empire State Building at night.

My missions trip to New York City was an unforgettable experience; one that I can only attempt to explain to you using words; really, you had to be there. One of the parts I loved most about the trip was how close I got to the other people on the team. I was joined on the team by six awesome people: Rachel Clevenger, Rachel Rowland (our team leader), Corinna Ward, Priscilla Files, Jordan Esatto, and Nate Mills. We had had a few team meetings before we left, but even then I have to admit that I was still working on some of the names on the initial drive to New Jersey. But during the nine days we spent together on the road, in subways and trains, serving in New York City, and chilling back in Hawthorne, I came to truly see these people as good friends, rather than just teammates. I am truly going to miss spending so much time with them. As for what the team and I actually did to serve on the trip, here’s a day-by-day run-through of what we did:

Saturday, February 28 – We left Cedarville around 8:30am, and ten minutes into the car ride we were already listening to Taylor Swift’s “Welcome to New York.” As I expected, the first part of the car ride was a bit quiet because people were either sleeping or not talking, because we didn’t know each other too well yet. But then we played “the question game,” which helped to break the ice a little. We only stopped a few times, so we made it to Hawthorne Gospel Church in New Jersey in good time; around 6:30. After settling in, we watched Phantom of the Opera (the 2004 film) in preparation for Thursday, then went to bed for our early morning the next day.

Sunday, March 1 – Every morning before 8:00 the guys and I had to vacate our sleeping area and walk to the missionary house where the girls were staying. We were staying above the Bible House in a place called “The Upper Room,” where there are some offices which open at 8:00 in the morning. In my devotional time that morning I read Galatians chapter 5 (mainly because my discipleship group is in that chapter now as well). We attended one of the services that morning and the pastor called the team and I up to the front to pray for us. Later, the sermon was over Galatians chapter 5, which I thought was a cool coincidence. A couple of the verses from this chapter that stuck with me the rest of the week are verses 13 and 14: “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” This resonated with me because the team and I were using our freedom, our spring break, not as opportunities for the flesh to sleep in every day, but we used our freedom to serve others.

After the service, I introduced myself to Pastor T. James Richmond. He was like a second father to my dad (and was even named after him), so it was neat to talk to him for a bit. After church we went to Rachel R.’s house for lunch, where we were joined by a bunch of her family, as well as my uncle and aunt who live in Hawthorne. It was awesome hearing all the family connections that existed, like the fact that her parents knew my parents, or the fact that some of them were once patients of my dentist grandfather.

After lunch we travelled to New York City where we helped serve dinner at the Bowrey Mission. The people there were all so kind. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was nice to interact with such Godly people there. When our “boss” that evening, Robin, introduced herself, she asked if we all love Jesus. After explaining we were all believers from a Christian university she said “I can’t wait to get to know you all better in heaven.” That really stuck out to me. We didn’t see her again that week, but it’s cool thinking about the fact that we will indeed see her again one day. Though some parts about heaven scare me a bit, this is one of the many things I look forward to.

Monday, March 2 – Starting Monday, we began a schedule that we mostly stuck to for the rest of the week. We left Hawthorne Gospel Church each morning around 8:30, parked at a house behind a train station, then took a train from there to Secaucus. One of the conductors on that train, J.A. Smith was very friendly to us. He had a classic New Jersey accent and looked remarkably like Timothy Spall (the actor who plays Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter and Nathaniel from Enchanted). From Secaucus we took a shorter train to Penn Station at Madison Square Garden in New York City. From there we walked a few blocks to a subway station where we took a few subways to the Canal St. station. After that it was only a couple blocks to the New York City Rescue Mission. We spent most of the rest of the week there, generally calling it the NYCRM (which we pronounced as “Ny-crum”).

Most mornings there I helped sort through and fold clothes the clothes pantry. Every day for a couple hours they would let the homeless in a few at a time to take up to (I believe) five items of clothing. Every day we would come back and find the clothes room messy again, but the work we did there helped make the homeless feel like they were shopping at JCPenney, rather than a yard sale. I usually worked there with Corinna, Rachel C., Rachel R., and a man named “G,” who was a graduate of the program they offer at the NYCRM.

(Left to Right) Rachel R., Rachel C., Me, and Corinna working at the NYCRM. Photo credit to @scotthuckphoto

During the middle of the day, the team and I went to Columbus Circle to do some street evangelism. I was teamed with Rachel C. and Corinna, and we walked around Central Park. None of us really knew what we were doing, and we all had to try and take turns starting conversations that would then lead to faith. I started a conversation with a man in the park who travelled to New York from Haiti. When he revealed he spoke French, the couple on the other side of him who were actually from France began speaking to him in French, so that conversation didn’t go very far.

We returned to the NYCRM that evening to help them serve dinner. I’m glad that Rachel R. asked us each night for one memory that stuck out to us from each day, or else I would not have written some of this down. One memory that stuck out to me that night was seeing an older man trying to understand why a Styrofoam cup was sticking to his hand. The man next to him explained that is was merely static electricity, but the older man could not understand how there could be electricity in his hand.

Tuesday, March 3

 In the morning I sorted and folded clothes again at the NYCRM. Then for a large part of the afternoon, the team and I helped at Manor Gospel Fellowship. Here at this mission, homeless people would attend a brief worship service while the carts they brought were filled with food by the workers in the back (including the team and I). The mission received huge donations from a supermarket, and our job was to sort that food into various boxes and crates then evenly distribute it into the shopping carts there.

The team and other workers filling up shopping carts with food at Manor Gospel Fellowship.
I'm not sure where I am... Photo credit to @scotthuckphoto

Later that night the team and I had dinner with Nathan, a church-planter in New York. It was a great blessing to hear his story and to interact with his family. In their apartment there was a ton of Batman-related books and things, which I thought was pretty cool :D

In one of the train stations on the way back we had a long wait, and since it was my turn to lead devotions, I gave a brief account of my life, following a similar pattern for “life maps” from Discipleship group. We got back to Hawthorne very late that night, though I can’t remember exactly what time.

Wednesday, March 4

After spending the morning at the NYCRM again, we then had day two of street evangelism. We split into the same groups again, but this time we walked around Grand Central Station. After maybe an hour of unsuccessful conversations, Corinna made Rachel C. and I practice on her, which seemed silly at first but was actually very helpful. Shortly afterwards a woman, Nicole, approached us. She had lost her purse and wasn’t sure what to do. She also had many questions about religion after reading The Shack, so we answered the best we could. The three of us talked to her for about an hour, then we prayed for her and went on our way.

Back at the NYCRM, we helped serve dinner again then stayed for the evening service. Rachel R. led worship with her brother Luke (he wasn’t on the team but was in the area), then she gave her testimony. At the end of the service, many of the homeless wrote prayer requests on cards which the team and I later prayed for. The handwriting on these cards was a bit messy, and the grammar was not great, but the words are heartbreaking: “I has a bad right leg and sometime I has bad luck. Please pray for me thank you. I all alone, I lost my mother 4 years ago.” “Pray for the NYC Rescue Mission and the need for food, clothing, finances. Jesus be glorified.”

Thursday, March 5

Thursday morning I switched places with Nate at the NYCRM. He worked folding and sorting clothes while I cut broccoli in the kitchen.  After helping prepare food, we served lunch to the people who lived there as a part of their program. It was cool being able to eat and fellowship with the mission team, the friendly people in the program, and the other volunteers who work there every day.

After lunch we went and saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, which was amazing :D This was our big “cultural experience item” which was already figured into the budget, plus we got discount tickets (because of some theater program Rachel R. is a part of). That evening we had pizza back in Hawthorne and enjoyed trying to guess each other’s middle names.

Friday, March 6

After missing the first train from Hawthorne, we eventually made it into the city where, instead of going to the NYCRM, we went and helped Brandon (whom we had met on Tuesday) with his ministry. For the first hour after arriving at his apartment, we stuffed plastic baggies with gum and cards advertising his church, the Gallery Church. After making a ton of those, we were each assigned a street corner where we were assigned to give away 125 each. This sounded difficult at first, but was actually not too hard. All it required us to do was stand there holding out handfuls of these baggies and yell “free gum!” After getting lunch at a place that was like Chipotle but with some kind of Asian food, we went to the NYCRM one last time.

After serving one last meal with them, we had to say our goodbyes to the wonderful staff we had worked with that week. James, one of the guys we got to know during the week, kept coming up to us over and over again saying goodbye, which we thought was funny but also made it sadder.

Saturday, March 7

Saturday was our tourist day, and was also apparently St. Patrick’s Day, but only in Hoboken, New Jersey. The trains both to and from New York were full of drunk people decked out in green.

Admittedly, a couple times during the day I wished I was back at NYCRM or helping with one of the other ministries in the city, but it was also nice to have a break and really enjoy the city.

Outside that entrance to the 30 Rock building that I've seen associated with SNL. I'm not sure why I'm making this face; I think this photo was taken by accident.

We started the day at Rockefeller Center, where we checked out the LEGO store there, an art store, and the NBC Studios store, though I didn’t get anything. We also stopped by that entrance to the building that I’ve seen associated with Saturday Night Live. Following that we had lunch at La Mela, a restaurant in Little Italy then we went to Strand Books, one of the biggest book stores in New York. I thought I would really like it, but it was actually far too busy and much too big for me. After the bookstore we went by Wall Street and Battery Park, then went by the bull statue around there. We ended the evening by walking around Ground Zero and the reflecting pools there. I was moved and saddened by the huge number of names surrounding those pools.

Sunday, March 8

We left Hawthorne about 8:30 Sunday morning. We occasionally switched up drivers and navigators, and when I took over as navigator at one point, everyone jokingly feared that I would cause us to drive off a cliff. We arrived back in Cedarville around 6:00. I had dinner, unpacked, then wrote the first third of this blog post.

The team + Keith (on the far left). He works for the missions office at Cedarville and visited us in New York along with the amazing photographer @scotthuckphoto who took this photo as well. Thanks again for taking pictures of us!

What Did I Learn?

                One thing this trip did was change the way I view the homeless. Before coming on this trip I obviously knew that homeless people are still people. Everyone knows that, right? But who actually believes it? While helping serve people meals, I saw something that I would see in the school cafeteria every day: people eating meals around tables and having a good time talking with their neighbors. Looking at one group of people made me think “That could easily be my friends and I.” But what’s the difference? I was raised in a home that has been richly blessed by two awesome parents who both hold jobs that allow us to live in a house, get whatever kind of food we want, and occasionally pay for other recreational activities just for the fun of it. I have been blessed with a loving family (both extended and immediate) who I know I could turn to if I ever fell into financial trouble. I have been blessed to attend a university that has supplied me with a degree, which will enable me to one day get a good job and have a steady income.

                Many of the homeless have stories similar to this, they have just had harder circumstances to deal with in life. Sure, some of them are or have been alcoholics or addicts, but I discovered that many of them just got caught in downward spirals.  It may start with losing a job or suddenly having to pay extra rent, but that can quickly turn into not being able to purchase new clothes or simple things like toothpaste, which can create difficulty in trying to look decent and presentable for job interviews.

                But inwardly, many of these people are just the same as me. God doesn’t care about how much money we make, or whether we live in a mansion or a subway station; he looks at the heart. I was astonished at how thankful and happy many of the homeless were. These people who didn’t have anything were thanking the workers at the Rescue Mission and even making sure everyone else got a chance to eat.

                I also thought it was great to see their personalities come out. These are actually people, just like us, therefore they have preferences just like us. Some may call a homeless man ungrateful for not wanting chicken with his rice and broccoli, but homeless people can be vegetarian too. And when a homeless man wants the vanilla cupcake instead of the chocolate one that has been handed to him, what other motive can there be other than he simply likes vanilla better?

                This trip also changed the way I see my future.

                To be perfectly honest, I’m still very unsure as to what I’ll be doing with my life now that I have graduated. I know some people always seem to have the next five years planned out, but that’s not me. I tend to take things as they come to me. I do like planning ahead when I can, but sometimes I just can’t. It’s also completely possible that I may not even do anything remotely related to my English major. God changes plans all the time. My dad grew up in New Jersey and majored in Biology at his first university; now he’s a pastor in California.

                One helpful passage I discovered during the trip was James 4:14-15, which says “yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’” I’m not sure if God is leading me to missions or not, but I believe that through this trip He definitely opened up my eyes to see what mission work is really like.

New York City Evangelism: Support Letter

Hello friends and family!

What follows here is a slightly edited version of a letter I sent out about a month ago.

This is a scan of the
bookmark I included
in the letter I sent out.

This current semester is my last semester at Cedarville University! God has used this place and the people here to guide and shape me to be more like Him, and I look forward to see what he has in store for me after graduation. But in between me and graduation sits about five research papers, around 20 novels, and a senior English presentation. As of right now, there are only 64 days until graduation! At the moment, I’m still not completely sure where God is leading me next, but I’ll likely start with a summer job so I can start paying off my college loans. After that, I would like to get a job in my field and perhaps one day live and work in England for a couple years. It is also a dream of mine to one day study for a couple semesters at Oxford while staying at C. S. Lewis' house!

This semester at Cedarville I’ve been given the opportunity by the Global Outreach Department here to minister to the homeless in New York City during spring break. Tomorrow morning a team of seven people (myself included) the team and I will drive to northern New Jersey where we will be staying. Our ministry will be based out of Hawthorne Gospel Church, the church my dad grew up with. The church is about half an hour away from the parsonage where my family and I lived until I was nine, before we moved to California. The church is also only about 15 minutes from one of my friend's houses and is also fairly close to where my Uncle and Aunt live.

Our trip is only a week long, but it will certainly be a busy one, and we will need a lot of prayer. We’ll spend most of the time ministering to the homeless at New York City Rescue Mission (located in Manhattan I believe), but we'll also minister to the youth at Hawthorne Gospel Church one night there as well. I’m still not completely sure of all that I’ll be doing specifically in these places, but I believe God will use this time to work in the lives of the people of New York, as well as my own life. While the team and I are in New York and New Jersey this week be praying for safety for all of us. Pray that none of us will get lost, as I am often prone to do, and pray that we have safe travels. Pray also that God will work through us and in us as we do His work in the city. Pray that God will work in the hearts of the people we interact with, including each other on the team. I would also appreciate prayer for me specifically that I would be able to take my mind off my busy semester during the trip. This semester is shaping up to be the hardest one I’ve had this year at Cedarville, so actually if you could pray for that as well I would very grateful. Maybe just pray for me to stay motivated and focused to get everything done, because I’m getting very anxious to be done with school. Your prayerful support is greatly needed and greatly appreciated for the success of this trip.

I will try to post a couple updates on here during the trip if I have time; but if not I'll definitely be posting something about the trip once I'm back here. I'll also try to send out report letters to those people who received my first letter as well; I just hope I don’t get too swamped with papers and reading once I get back.

Thank you again for your support, and may God bless you!

In Christ,

Michael J. Newman

The Beginning of the End

It feels like I haven’t been on here in a year, even though it’s only been about a month. While home, I had a ton of free time which I could have spend writing on this blog, but I figured I would rather spend what limited time I had hanging out with my family instead. But now that I’m back in Ohio, I can write about the time I had there. However, a portion of this post will also be dedicated to an overall outlook of the beginning of my last semester at Cedarville University, including an extended critique of my major.

Christmas Break

                Christmas break was great. I stayed indoors most of the time, except when we went to the movies or went to my uncle and aunt’s house. It was mostly great seeing my family again. This break was the first time since last Christmas that we were all together (except for that one random day during the summer right before school started again).

I tried to be as awkward as possible in this picture.

Yes, I'm the bearded reindeer with three antlers.

                I honestly don’t know what there is to say about it. I just love being home with family. I love watching movies with them, playing games (sometimes), and in general, just being with them. Over break my family watched all ten released movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, etc…). In theatres we saw Interstellar (the second time for me), Into the Woods, and The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. We also watched the Doctor Who Christmas Special “Last Christmas,” which thankfully wasn’t Clara’s last episode!

                My younger sisters were on my computer often, playing Minecraft and building some awesome things, like a castle in a cloud. When they weren’t building houses or capturing pigs in that game, I was on there either catching up on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., browsing the internets, or writing. I made some progress on a review of Taylor Swift’s new album 1989, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to post it on here for a while.

I did a little reading, though not as much as I would have liked. My youngest sister introduced me to Jane Eyre, which I have yet to finish, but I fear I won’t have enough time this semester :(

                My siblings, my cousin and I also attempted to play instruments and sing together like a real band. In the end, we ended up playing Rock Band (the video game). We played many other games together as well, including “Forbidden Desert,” “Ticket to Ride,” and “Pandemic.”

                At times, Christmas break seemed nice and long, but in the last week I started to realize just how short it really was. The only bad part about Christmas break is the ending; the part when Joseph and I have to leave home again and school starts for everyone. I also detest flying, so I wasn’t looking forward to that. Nearly every time I fly, something goes wrong. This time, I had a delayed flight that got me stuck in Phoenix for almost six hours. Afterwards I got a flight to Charlotte, North Carolina, then finally Dayton. By the time I arrived I had missed my first two days of classes – not a great way to begin my final semester here. I then had to catch up the best I could while still getting adjusted to the new time and the arctic temperatures. I think I’m finally back into routine at school now, but I’m ready to go back home.

The Consequences of Being an English Major

                Second semester senior year is too late to change your major right? Don’t worry, I won’t. But this certainly isn’t the first time I’ve considered that maybe I’m not quite in the right major. I’ve been feeling lately like I don’t belong. Sometimes in English classes I feel like I’m faking it (which is sometimes because I haven’t done all the readings, but that isn’t always the reason). People use big words like “transcendentalism” or “existentialism” when talking about a text, and I’m just there nodding along like I know what they’re talking about.

           Aspects of the English major I like:

1.       Reading great books and talking about them with other people

2.       Writing personal essays and other creative writing assignments (i.e. writing about things I like writing about)

Aspects of the English major I do NOT like:

1.       Discussing books using terms I know nothing about (and pretending to know what I’m talking about)

a.       But seriously, earlier today one of my teachers used the word “antidisestablishmentarianism” in a sentence without even flinching.

2.       Writing huge academic research papers

I’ll definitely finish what I’ve started here at Cedarville, but it won’t be easy. As I’ve said in previous blog posts, this will likely be the hardest semester I’ve had. On top of taking English Seminar, the huge capstone English class that includes assignments like a 50-minute lecture and a 30-page research paper, I’m also taking four literature classes (American Literature from 1820-1865, American Women Writers, Contemporary World Literature, and Survey of British Literature from 1800). That’s why I have such a huge stack of books:

So many books, and this isn't even all of them

I guess the reason I stuck with the English major rather than doing the English education program is because I didn’t want to take education classes, I wanted to take English classes. However, I think what I want to do with this in the future may not be what this major is intended for. I like to think I’m a creative person, but it seems that in many of my classes I can’t put my creative energy to use.

The problem I’m faced with this semester is the fact that I’m taking five English classes, and there’s nothing I can do about it. While at College of the Sequoias, I mainly took general education classes (gen. ed.s) because I still had no idea what I wanted to do. So when I transferred here, I mainly just had to take English classes (and Bible classes for the required Bible minor). Normally it is suggested that students spread out their gen. ed.s over their four years, but my college career is not normal. Now I’m at the end, taking five classes that are completely necessary for graduation, meaning I can’t take any other classes. (I mean I could, but I would just make it harder on myself).

Were I given the opportunity, I would have taken more artistic classes in addition to my English classes. I would have loved to have taken a drawing class or two, or maybe an acting class. I can’t even fit in any more creative writing classes (because they’re outside the major, and a creative writing minor was out of the question for me, time-wise). I found out that apparently there is a storytelling class here that I had no idea about. I would have loved to take that class, but now I can’t. I’m also not sure why a grammar class is not required for the major. I’d like to take one, because I feel like that would clear up some issues (like, should we say “Doctor Who” or “Doctor Whom”?).

                The other thing I’ve had to take into consideration is my age. Dorm rules at Cedarville state that if you are 23 or older you can no longer live on campus in the dorms. I’m turning 23 on April 30^th this year – two days before I graduate (and one day before Avengers: Age of Ultron hits theatres!). If I wanted to stay longer I would have to move off-campus, as well as take out another huge student loan, both of which are not really favorable. I’m also very much looking forward to life after school.

                So what will I do with my life after graduation?

                Still working on that; though I have a couple ideas…

                One dream of mine is something I’ve had for at least ten years now. In a letter I wrote to myself ten years ago I specifically mentioned that in the future “I want to be someone who works with movies, or an actor.” I still believe that would be a ton of fun. Last week I attended a meeting for Filmgate, Cedarville’s film org that I was a part of last semester when I was cast as Lucius Malfoy in their Harry Potter video. Since I’m technically a part of the group now, I can attend meetings and have a say in what goes on.

So last week we had a meeting where we were tasked with brainstorming and coming up with the concept of a TV Pilot they’re planning to make. I can’t go into more detail than that because of privacy or security or something, but sitting down discussing story ideas with other people was a ton of fun. It reminded me of the brainstorming sessions I used to have with my brother when we wrote our “Kim Possible” comics together. In the end, my main story pitch was chosen, which was super excited about. We had another meeting just a couple days ago where we continued brainstorming this plot, hammering out characters and backstory kind of things. Eventually we will be drawing out storyboards of scenes, something else I greatly enjoy. In short, I realized at these meetings that I LOVE doing this kind of work.

I also realized at these meetings that I was significantly more outgoing than in any English class I’ve taken here. Where in literature classes I sit quietly, listening to people talk about the deep themes found in ancient texts, here I was on the edge of my seat throwing out ideas with my friends, coming up with our own stories, our own world. While in those meetings, I felt like I could be myself.

This is what I want to do as a job.

The Near Future

                I’ve just barely found enough free time to finish up this post, but I don’t foresee me having much additional free time in the future. I will be posting an update either during or after the New York missions trip, as well as a post which includes the text of my support letter (which I reeeaallly need to send out as soon as I can).

                So for now, in place of future posts, I’ve made this map, showing a glimpse of what the rest of the semester looks like for me.

A Voice from the Past

                It’s mine.

                A few months ago, my family found a letter in the house that I wrote to myself, with specific instructions to not open until August 10, 2014 at 12:15pm, at least that’s what the outside of the letter said, as you can read here:

Part of the address label for the letter I wrote to myself

I didn’t end up actually seeing the letter itself until around October 2014, but it didn’t matter too much. But I found the contents of the letter itself somewhat amusing. This is really what I was like ten years ago, because I actually wrote this letter to my future self. Because of my fascination with time-travel, it makes sense that I would do something awesome like this, though I believe it was actually for some kind of school project. Anyway, a photograph of the letter is included below:

The letter I wrote to my future self

Thankfully my handwriting then was legible, but if you can’t make it out it, this is what it says:

"Dear Michael James Newman,

                I am in 7^th Grade, I’m 12 years old, my favorite color is blue, my favorite movies are the Indiana Jones Movies, my favorite book Series is the Daystar Voyages. I am very artistic and I want to be someone who works with Movies or an actor. I have a Twin brother named Joseph and two younger sisters named Debra and Rachel. My Family has a dog named Bella and 2 cats named Toulouse and Whiskers. We have a pool with a diving board and a slide. My address is 425 Sycamore drive Exeter, C.A. 93221. Todays date is 8/10/04 right now it’s 12:15 PM. Well see ya later (when you Look in the Mirror!)

                Sincierly, Michael James Newman"

I’m not sure why I addressed myself using my full name; maybe I thought I would be calling myself something different in the future. 12 years old seems so young – I wasn’t even in high school yet. Blue is still a favorite color of mine but I wouldn’t call it my absolute favorite. I do still love the Indiana Jones movies (yes, even the fourth movie, which hadn’t come out yet at the time of the original letter). I have many other favorite books now, but I may someday go back and re-read those books, which I loved at the time. I still believe I am artistic, and I still envision myself one day working with movies in some capacity. I find it funny that I told my future self the names of my siblings; I’m not quite sure why I did that. Sadly, the note about the family pets is no longer true. Toulouse and Whiskers may yet be alive, but we never see them anymore. Our family now has three dogs: Polar, Honey, and Abby; and three cats: Paws, Oreo, and Arwen. I honestly don’t know why it was so important that I tell my future self that my family has a pool. It was also not necessary for me to include my home address. That’s still where I live (when I’m not at school), but I guess my past self couldn’t have known that. The note at the very end about seeing myself in the mirror in the future was particularly creepy, because that exactly something I would do. I almost couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror afterwards, because doing so would fulfill my own prophecy.

I’m not sure why I originally wrote that letter to my future self; though I expect it was more as a cool, neat, time-travel thing, rather than a word of advice from my 12-year-old self.

I’ve always been fascinated with the idea of time-travel (I went on an extended tangent talking about it in my review of X-Men: Days of Future Past). Though I guess writing a letter to my future self isn’t true time-travel, because the letter travels at the same speed through time that I do. It would also not be considered time-travel for me to write a reply letter to my past self, because at the moment there is no way I could do that; I’m also not sure what the consequences would be if I succeeded.

Anyway, the main purpose of this post is so that I can have a link to it in my life-update post which I should be finished in the next day or so. I did not post the link to this post on Facebook, so if you found this anyway, congratulations! You are more of a stalker than I realized! Maybe I should have considered removing my home address from the letter when I posted it on here…